


"I don't"

by onlyfairy



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-06
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-10-05 10:57:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17323727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyfairy/pseuds/onlyfairy
Summary: After three years of breaking up miserably with Junhee, Donghun saw him, at the same spot he saw him with someone else.





	"I don't"

80 steps away the same cafe, the familiar atmosphere always gets Donghun out of his sanity whether he's there or not. This time, after three years, he saw him. Still a beautiful smile, still a painful memory.

 

**_'I've been waiting for the day you say you want me back'_ **

_The weeks after Junhee left Donghun have been painful, miserable. His tear stained pillowcases turned brown, his food untouched while he starved yet cans of beer litered around the sink. His home-less house seemed more and more empty even if it just sheltered two people._

_He kept waiting for days and kept waiting for days and kept waiting for him to come home. Still hopeful of the warmth to come back to him and comfort him and say 'love, I'm here'. Hope fluttered around him for so so long. Even if the most painful thing have laid before his eyes, have been thrown to him like acid, have lingered around his body like a disease._

 

_**'I've been alone but baby I can't seem to understand'** _

60 steps before his eyes, the same beautiful smile, the same pretty, so so pretty eyes, the same fluffy hair, smooth skin that -after almost three years of no interaction and 60 step far away from him- his palms seemed to remember how Jun feels like under them. 60 steps away three years ago was his whole love almost gone to waste, the same love kissing someone who isn't him, the same love left him alone shivering in cold.

 

**_'You threw my heart into the flames'_ **

_Donghun looked at Junhee, tears in his eyes the millisecond he heard him. Lips quivering, he doesn't want this._

_"W-what?"_

_"I'm breaking up with you." Junhee said, not coldly. But without any warmth either. It was just pure stillnes, air that doesn't move, air that doesn't let you breathe because once you do it'll hurt and when you do it means you accept that's why Donghun started speaking stutters, breathe only to exhale. His tears already falling._

_"W-why? Junhee I love you am I-"_

_"No no no, Donghun! It's just somethings changed-"_

_"I-is it me? I... I can change back please tell me... tell me so-"_

_"No! Donghun... it wasn't you. You didn't change, nothing's wrong"_

_"Is it... is it because I saw you kissing someone else? Junhee, it's alright! I-I .... we can work this, okay? Please? We can... you can date the both of us, you don't have to leave me! I'll be fine with it! Junhee please-"_

_"Donghun, I... I loved you-"_

_"THEN WHY ARE YOU LEAVING ME?!"_

_"Because, Donghun, I don't anymore!"_

_Words stated behind gritted teeth, shouted not loud enough unlike his question. Only one word was emphasized... But it hurted so much. The pain, it felt like a hole opened beneath him, falling miles underneath the earth, rock and steel impaling his chest before being burned alive._

_"Junhee..."_

_"Donghun, let's just be done. I-I'm sorry."_

_Footsteps walking away from him. Jun's. Donghun looked at him for the last time. He always watch Jun walk away when he's going out of the house, carefully, silently praying those steps won't be the last steps he'll took. This time, those steps, for sure, were the last ones._

●●●

60  
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50

Donghun took steps closer, closer and closer but still keeping the right distance so he won't see him just yet.

Yes. Still beautiful smile, beaming his pearls and his cute dimples showing. His eyes, pretty, cresent, smiling eyes. The same cute face in all of their pictures.

 

**_'I took our picture out the frames,'_ **

_Those pictures, the memorable ones, they put them in frames, like their anniversaries, dates they should never forget, moments they'd want to go back to. The cutest selfies they took are printed like polaroid, either kept inside a photo album or clipped in a string hanging on a wall inside their bedroom._

_After months of trying to heal himself, trying to move on from a disaster, Donghun had the courage to face Jun again. Not physically, just his pictures. Pictures of him alone, him with Donghun, him with his dog, him with their friends._

_The first ones was inside his phone. Candid pictures of Junhee, he deleted those._

_Next was the polaroids hanging, he placed them on a new photo album. And the old albums are replaced in a new box. And just then he noticed the Junhee haven't even gathered his stuffs. He didn't even come back to collect his own things and completely move out._

_That's when he broke again. Wondering what was so wrong with him, what went wrong with them, why Jun broke up with him making him feel like he was the one who broke someone's heart when he was the one who suffered. Finding Junhee's untouched belongings made him feel like he wasn't even worth to be went back to. He was breaking that time, broke that time, breaking but willing to piece himself back. He decided, those box of photo albums better be burned, it's what it deserves._

 

**_'I tried to throw 'em out but  
I still keep 'em just in case'_ **

_The framed pictures weren't standing, they were down. Must've been his friends, when they visited him. He lifted those up and removed the pictures from the frames. These ones, he can't let go. Those were them. He could burn all of Junhee's printed selfies but these. He kept them. He tried to throw them to the burning box of photo albums but he can't. He kept them._

 

****_'If you're wondering if I still love you_  
After so much time has passed  
Since you asked...' 

20 steps between past lovers, the atmosphere seemed nostalgic, terrifying and refreshing at the same time. Because the air back then, he can remember it and was unbreathable but now it's clean. For Donghun at least, because he moved on. He knows he doesn't deserve to feel like he was dying, out of breath, he doesn't deserve to feel pain from the same person. That's why he took a breath and 20 steps became 10.

9  
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1

"Donghun?"

Donghun turned to him. A millisecond decision, he planned to ignore him. Guess he can't...

"Hey..." Junhee initiated in which Donghun replied the same.

"How are you?" Jun asked. Irritation crept behind Donghun but he patiently answered,

"I've been better." Not really feeling to smile, but he did anyways. Junhee smiled back

God, he missed those. He missed everything.

"I... I just got back here in the city, actually. I just thought I'd go back..."

Donghun hummed.

"Anyways, I'm sure you're here for something. I should go... it was nice seeing you." Junhee gave him one last smile before retreating ba k to his table where his friends sat.

He walked inside the cafe and ordered an iced americano. He was being strong, he knows that. He was strong for keeping himself not falling apart when Junhee was a feet away from him. But right now he wasn't feeling anything but his heart breaking and it was overwhelming. He took a seat at a booth and contacted Sehyoon as fast as he could. He doesn't want to go out the cafe when his whole ex was out there.

He could be a minute away from bawling his eyes out but he kept himself from being a mess.

"Donghun"

Jun was back, taking the seat in front of him, not minding to ask Donghun if it was taken. It wasn't yet and it won't be taken by Junhee. He'll go.

"What?" He asked, the cold tone reached Junhee, he knows Donghun's voices. He could never forget.

"Donghun, listen, I came back here because of you. What happened with us years ago, it was my fault and I am really sorry. I know I hurt you and I want to make up for everything I've done. Please forgive me."

Donghun couldn't speak, he couldn't even get himself to nod. Junhee was waiting in front of him to be forgiven. The air was clear now, he remembered. So he took another breath and gave him a small nod and told him it was fine. But his voice cracked and it didn't go unnoticed.

"Donghun, I miss you. I miss everything we had...

Could we go back?"

 

"No, Junhee, we can't. I'm so sorry" Donghun told him. He could see tears rolling on Junhee's cheeks but he can't feel his. But he knows he's crying as well.

"I miss everything too, Jun. I really do." He croaked, a bit difficult to speak when there's a big lump in his throat.

"Are you seeing anyone right now? That'll be nice"

"No, I'm not seeing anyone."

"Then why can't we be back together?" Junhee whispered, like a whine that Donghun wasn't use to ignore.

**_"I don't really want you back,  
I just want the life we had"_ **

 

Junhee sniffled, lips quivering "Understandable"

 

**_'I don't really want you back,  
No, I don't. '_ **

Donghun watched Junhee stand up to leave. He was leaving again. He could have him back if he wants to be he doesn't. And it felt good to tell him that.

"Well, it was nice meeting with you again, Hun..." Junhee stretched his hands to him.

 

**_'No, I don't really want you close'_ **

He took it anyways. Despite not wanting anymore interaction. One last time of being close to him again. He watched him leave again and this time he wasn't praying for anything. Just watching his steps grow further from him, it was a habit. Now it's just letting go. Properly, this time.

 

****__**'I just needed you to know  
** **That I don't really want you back  
No, I don't.' **

****

****

Junhee told him years ago what he didn't want to hear. This day, Donghun told Jun what he really wanted him to know. Their life together was lovely and wonderful while it lasted. Everything went to ruins and he doesn't want any more of that.

**Author's Note:**

> That cover of Donghun slaps and the lyrics just really hits me and it was rlly painful :(
> 
> [CuriousCat](https://curiouscat.me/_onlyfairy)   
>  [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/_onlyfairy)


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